38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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