spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
