why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize