hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
