if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
