Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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