Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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