1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
