if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
