someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
