and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
