What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
