If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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