Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
