just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
