in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
