I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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