Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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