he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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