I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
