We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
