did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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