forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
