I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I've blown a few things in my day
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
