Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
