I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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