Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Please don't give away my fajitas
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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