and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
