Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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