Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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