allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
