those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
