I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
