Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
