I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize