I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
