What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
