Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
