last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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