guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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