If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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