Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I need to stop coming to work sober
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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