Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
