worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
