This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
