DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Small penises have feelings too.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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