Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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