I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
