just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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