I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
