I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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