Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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