So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
