I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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