I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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