i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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