i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
