Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
