She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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