I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
