im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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