I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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