The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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