I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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