i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
