do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
