Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
