my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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