i jhust puked up my retainher.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
