Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
