I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
