Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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