I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
