Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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