I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
