2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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