what day is it and did you see me today?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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