im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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