My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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