I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
