Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
