she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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