There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
