Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
