There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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