I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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