Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
