I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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