I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize