its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
