I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
