do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
