I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
