Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
