how can u be prego again
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
