I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
