So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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