What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
