I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
