Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
How's work?
Spinning.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
