guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
