my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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