Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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