Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
