the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
two words: eviction party
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
