she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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