It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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