Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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