Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
