Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
