I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
