Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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