I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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