It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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