my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sorry about my life...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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